


Lady and The Hologram

by Harmony_Whisper



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23902516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harmony_Whisper/pseuds/Harmony_Whisper
Summary: When exploration officer, Mirabel Hargrove, of the American mining ship Astraios, crash lands into a nearby planetoid, the crew of the Red Dwarf are more than glad to help. But Arnold Rimmer isn't feeling like himself, especially when he is around Mirabel. Could Rimmer actually be evolving outside his own self absorption? This is not going to be easy.





	1. Chapter 1

People say you don't really cherish what you have had until it's gone. When we take for granted some of the simplest things, the loss is usually irreversible. Sometimes it is deserving, that person does not have another chance. Maybe that will humble them, make them learn to think outside of themselves.

“LISTER YOU URINAL SHAPED WARTHOG!”

Well, it is a lovely notion isn't it?

“Oh smeg.”

“YOU DID IT DIDN'T YOU!”

“Did what now Rimmer?”

“You, you!”

“Me, me, what?”

“You defiled Rachel!?”

“What?”

“Don't play dumb!”

The stout, dark skinned man with the dreaded locks sighed annoyingly from his bunk. Well he guessed he could catch up on his reading of the Crusades later. The comic book had some really great pictures.

David Lister turned and saw the thin, brown hair man with the H permeneatly marked on his forehead, his face almost as red as his uniform ready to lunge for his neck.

“Rimmer?” He asked. “Why in the hell would I play around with your inflatable sex doll?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Arnold Rimmer. “To annoy me? To take advantage of the fact that thanks to Legion, I have finally achieved physical senses again!”

“Spare me your physical senses Rimmer.” Dave said as he turned back in his bunk. “I may be depraved, but not that desperate.”

Arnold Rimmer, the hologram, was seething. Ever since Legion, the “resident nutter” as Lister had amazingly upgraded his Hologram technology, the only thing separating him from existence and non-existence, he had gone from just being a projection to a physical entity. Prior to that he had no sense of touch, taste or smell. Twas the consequence of being the only being that had actually communicated with Lister (who had been in stasis) more than anyone else on the ship. Again, what was Holly thinking? The super computer on the mining ship Red Dwarf had taken it upon himself to revive Rimmer. Everyone on the ship, except Lister, dies due to a radiation leak and Holly brings back Rimmer.

It wasn't because he was just a lowly second class chicken soup repairman. It wasn't because he had a sense of protocol and pride or believed he was destined for better things. It was because...

He was a total smeghead!

Pompous, arrogant, he treated everyone like they were beneath him. It was amazing the words, the flurry of insults that came flying out of his mouth. One would think he was clever, if he wasn't such an arsehole.

David Lister was kinder, in his own way. He was the lowest rank on the technician todem pole, but he didn't let it bother him. Slovenly, crude, addicted to Indian curry dishes (who drinks curry sauce for breakfasts), lager swilling, chain smoking, forget the work and focus on the fun was he. Dave was likeable, he just took the stereotypical 20 something male persona into his mid thirties. He had dreams and ambitions like moving to Fiji and raising horses and having a family, but to do the work to get there was another story.

Oh yeah, and he did everything in his power to make Rimmer miserable, from daily attacks on his character to drugging the man with psychedlic drugs one couljd find on foreign planets. Hey eye for an eye, but Lister's tended be more clever albeit a bit crude.

He was a self certified bum, but an honest bum at least.

“For the last time Rimmer, I didn't touch your sex doll.”

“Well if you didn't draw the mustache and male genitalia on her, who did then?”

“Erraaahh, hey there monkies!” A jovial voice bellowed and in swaggered in “Cat” the half human half feline being. Dressed to the nines as usual, his white fangs sparkling, hair coiffeed and fixed.  
Cat been evolved from a pregnant feline Lister had smuggled on board Red Dwarf. Lister named her Frankenstein and couldn't wait to help her bring into the world Unfortunately, Rimmer had tattled on him after it seemed as if Captain Hollister was going to go easy on Lister for another indiscretion..again. Bringing a cat on the ship could compromise the health and safety of the crew and Lister had done just that. There was no way Lister was going to let Hollister take Frankenstein and have her destroyed so he took going into stasis for the remainder of the trip as his punishment. Frankenstein gives birth, a cat society begins built upon incorrectly spelled prophecy based upon Lister's laundry list and other written papers, the society gets antsy waiting for Cloister to take them to Fushia, and they leave the ship in search of it. Everyone that is except an elderly cat who would later pass after Lister aka Cloister blessed him on his death bed and of course, Cat.

“Do I look good today or do I look good!?”

Oh yeah, Cat had a serious vanity problem. This creature had more clothes, more flashy accessories. If you ever got lost in the dark you could probably find you way if you let Cat wake ahead and his sparkling blazer light your way.

Rimmer pointed angrily.

“It was you wasn't it!?”

“Me, what about me?” Cat asked.

“You know what you did.”

“If I did, I proably was great at it!”

Rimmer's nostril flared.

“Cat, did you draw on Rimmer's inflatable sex doll?” Lister asked annoyingly.

Cat gave a look.

“That plastic thing with the face and droopy front?” Cat asked. “I thought it was just one of inflatable balloon animals you get at carnivals that was past it's prime! Didn't see the harm in drawing on it.”

Lister broke out chuckling.

If there was any person that looked close to causing his own internal nuclear exploison, it was Arnold Rimmer.

“I'm surrounded by goits!” He yelled. “GOITS ALL OF YOU!” He stomped out of the room, just as Kryten the butler, maid, cook, you name it, mechanoid entered ready to clean Lister and Rimmer's sleeping quarters.

“Ah, I see Mister Rimmer is already angry today and it's not even noon. Yesterday you both succeeded in this just after lunch. Is this a new record?”

It never gets old. Suddenly the ship lurched and an alarm rang out

“Alert, alert.”

All three turned to see Holly, the female super computer who controlled the ship appear on the television in their bunk.

“What was that Hol?” Dave asked.

“An unidentified vessel just sideswipped the ship.” She said.

“Are we under attack?” Kryten asked.

“Don't think so.” She said. “Gave the ship a good knick near the cargo bay, but no serious damage. Didn't come around for another go.”

“What makes you think it was a ship?” Cat asked.

“I detected a lifeform just as it impacted.” She said her blonde hair moving ever so slightly. “Seemed to also be trying to avoid hitting us.”  
“Can we get a lock on it?.” Lister asked. “Find out what it was?”

“I can try.” She said. “It might have been avoiding that asteriod field that came about.”

“Do that Holly and keep us updated.” Lister said. “I'm getting breakfast, definitely in need of a chicken vindaloo.”

Rimmer meanwhile was still seething. He had felt the ship shift and for a moment was curious as to what caused it. But then, who cared, not them that was for sure. Legion may have given him the back his senses, but he wished that he could have given It could have been an alien life form, something to study and learn, among other things, especially if it was a gorgeous alien woman with green hair and numerous, uh, yeah, chest additions (that even crept Lister out). But it was just a joke to them, who cares as long as they get back to Earth? He bet if Ace Rimmer was on board they would care. His doppleganger with the thick, golden hair and charming personality.

Thank God, that git didn't stay!

Well Rimmer was right about one thing. It was a woman, no she wasn't an alien,no her hair wasn't green and she had the bodily amenities that a regular earth woman had.

And she was about to crash land her spacecraft into a nearby planetoid.


	2. Chapter 2

Mirabel Hargrove was not having a good day. She had been assigned to investigate a cluster of planetoids that had come into view just a few days prior. It seemed simple enough, travel to each said planetoid, explore its atmosphere, gather a few samples, look for life, move on to the next one. But oh no, a wonderful, orange, extremely rare menace known as a time hole decided that Mirabel should grace it's presence. She was a skilled pilot, but it was like the time hole had actually taken control of her vessel and she was sucked in. Through the chaos she tried radioing the Astriaos for help, but the time hole had shorted out her communication links.

Mirabel was in big trouble.

As the time hole ejected her, she found herself still in space.

And about to go head first into a large asteroid field.

Grabbing her controls she tried everything she could to avoid impact, but she felt the right side of her vessel crumble as it seemed to collide with one of the asteriods. Without its right wing to keep balance, and Mirabel was going down. Where, she did not know. Suddenly a planetoid came into view, a very rocky planetoid.

"This can't be the end." She uttered. "Not now!"

She braced herself as much as possible, glass flying everywhere, electrical sparks dancing across the control panel. But in the end it was no use. The vessel crashed and Mirabel was tossed from it. In her space suit, aside her decimated craft, the exploration officer laid motionless.

* * *

"I got something!" Holly said. "Whatever hit us before, I got it's trajectory. It was heading west!"

The crew looked at her excitedly.

"Well, where did it go!?" Rimmer asked.

"I lost it." She said dejectedly.

Rimmer shook his head. "IQ of 6,ooo and she can't keep track of a runaway vessel."

"Well let's see what it's about!" Lister asked. "Let's retrace it's steps."

"Why?" Cat asked.

"Why not?" Lister said.

"But sir, it could be lightyears away by now." Kryten pled.

"Possibly." Holly said. "When I said I lost it, I didn't mean I lost it, lost it. It seemed to have fallen off the radar, might have landed somewhere."

"If it got into that asteroid field and hit us, it might have gotten damaged" Lister said. "We should check it out!"

"Of course Listy!" Rimmer said sarcastically. "Let's investigate this new life form that could possibly be another polymorph or dispair squid. Or some flesh sucking, bone crushing alien. We should just walk right up to it and say he you don't know us, but if you are craving emotions or human body parts, well bon apetit!"

"Says the man who thought a garbage pod was spaceship made up aliens he had made up." Lister said. "Well I'm going, anyone with me?"

Cat shrugged and got up, Kryten programed to obey human commands too went with Lister. Rimmer just sighed. No one ever listened to him. But curiousity got the best of him and he too followed the three to the smaller vessel Star Bug.

"Picking up anything Hol?" Lister asked as he navigated the small ship.

"Nothing yet." She said.

"What about you Cat?"

"Nose is still negative." He said. He may have been part human, but his feline senses were much sharper making him a second navigation system in his own right.

"I still say this is a waste time." Rimmer said. "I bet it's just grit again."

"Wait a second guys." Cat said. "I'm smelling something! Turn just a bit left."

"Scanner is picking up something, near that planetoid."

"Doesn't smell good guys." Cat said.

"Not good as is, we should turn back now before we are killed?" Arnold asked.

"No, something else." He said. "Smells like trouble, like, blood and fuel."

"Which way guys?" Lister asked.

"I'm picking up life signs." Holly said. "Very faint."

"We're going in." Lister said.

"Fantastic" Rimmer said annoyed. "If we all die from this, I'm blaming you Lister!"

* * *

The terrain on the planetoid was very rough, almost mountainous. Landing Star Bug proved to be a bit of a challenge. Kryten descended from the ship first, Lister and Cat behind in space suits. Rimmer would stay on the ship and watch from the video monitor. In reality, the man had a spine like a jellyfish.

"Man this planet is rough." Cat said. "These rocks are killing my feet."

"I told ya not to wear wingtips when you have to wear your space suit." Lister said. "Don't you own a pair of trainers?"

"Trainers? With my silk socks? I think not buddy!"

Lister rolled his eyes.

"You got anything Kryten?"

"Not yet sir." He said looking down at his scanner.

After wandering what seemed like hours, they started thinking maybe Holly had indeed been wrong. Maybe the life signs was just some sort of space insect, like a weevil.

"Hey what's that!" Rimmer's voice called out from the communication piece.

"What?" Lister called. "Where?"

"To your right, there, over that ridge, I think I see smoke!"

The trio turned and sure enough a faint plume of smoke was seen coming from just over a hill. They quickly raced over in that direction, then stopped. They saw what appeared to be the newly destroyed ruins of a small space craft and next to it a motionless body.

Lister was about to go charging for it, but Kryten grabbed him.

"Allow me to go ahead sir." He said. "In case of danger."

Lister hated when Kryten tried to sacrifice himself for the good of his humans. The ridiculous programming mechanoids were given to serve humans without the same return. But Kryten proved to be able to take care of himself so Lister gave him the go ahead. From outside appearances, nothing looked ominous.

The mechanoid made his way down and approached the wreckage. After a quick inspection, he found no being inside. He then made his way to the creature beside it. If mechanoids could gulp he would, as he took a chance and gently pushed it onto it's back.

"Oh, oh dear!" He exclaimed. "Sirs, sirs, come quickly!"

"Kryten what is it, what did you find!?" Rimmer yelled.

Lister and Cat meanwhile raced down the hill.

"Smegging hell." Lister said aloud when he saw what Kryten was looking.

"Is it really!?" Cat asked excitedly.

Kryten took his scanner and waved it carefully down the figure.

"It's human." He said in shock. "Barely alive though. The scanner is picking up immense injuries."

"It's a lady!" Cat said gleefully.

"And she's going to die if we don't move now." Lister said. "Come on Cat, there's a stretcher on Star Bug."

* * *

Within a span of less than half an hour, the injured woman was lying on a cot in Star Bug with four eyes looking at it carefully. Kryten carefully took the helmet off the woman's head. Amazingly it had stayed in tact to preserve her breathing. But her head had been jerked so much it looked like she had fought with a boxer (not the kind that Lister watched) and lost, lost badly. Evidence of blood and broken bones were also noticeable.

"We have to get back to Red Dwarf." Lister said.

"Think she'll be alright Kryten?" Cat asked.

"I won't know until I truly examine her." Kryten said. "I fear though that her injuries might be too advanced for me!"

"Well that settles it." Lister said. "Let's go!"

He ran to the cockpit and started the ship.

"Hey if you need help examining her, I'll be glad to assist!" Cat said with wiggly fingers.

"Thank you sir, but I do not think that will be necessary." Kryten answered.

"Aw come on!"

Rimmer had been completely silent through the whole tirade. He didn't think much when the being was brought onto the ship, in fact he was ready to turn tail and run if this woman was just another G.E.L.F like Camille or some other disgusting creature in disguise of a beautiful human woman to try to kill them.

Did he just think beautiful?

She wasn't a super model like Sabrina Mulholland De-Jones (that lucky bastard Thickie Holden), but she was, average. She had shoulder length, soft brown hair that framed her face. Her mouth pink, cream colored skin even though it was mottled with bruises right now thanks to the crash. She looked to be in her thirties.

Suddenly she shifted and Rimmer jumped back. A light moan of pain escaped her lips and she shifted her head to the side, her hair falling over her cheek.

Suddenly Lister gave the shuttle a good jerk and Rimmer nearly fell on top of the cot, his hands gripping the cold metal sides. Between the sweat, the debris, and the dirt, he could pick up another scent, was she wearing perfume?

Rimmer couldn't help himself. With a slight shake of his hand, he moved the woman's hair off her cheek. Suddenly she shifted again and he found himself looking into deep green eyes. Hazy and delirious eyes, but still a lovely shade of green.

Did he just think lovely?

She was looking up at him, but he could tell she was in a state of confusion and pain. She closed her eyes and moaned, tears coming from her eyes.

Before Rimmer could do anything, Lister, Kryten and Cat had come and lifted the woman out of the room.

Rimmer had been so lost in looking at the woman, he had not realized they had docked back onto Red Dwarf.


	3. Chapter 3

It felt like ages that Mirabel lay unconscious in the medical ward of Red Dwarf. Thankfully, Holly was able to assist Kryten in patching her up. She was pretty close to death. Cracked ribs, punctured lung, broken wrist, sprained ankle, head wound, all sorts of cuts and abrasions.

Let's face it, space suits are meant to protect you from space, not shield you from being tossed around like a ball in a pinball machine.

And as male Holly would say:

Additional: It's good to have a mechanoid and a female super computer to keep three perverted males from getting a glimpse as a female space officer was being removed from her space suit and clothes to assess her injuries.

“She gonna be alright Kryten? Lister asked.

“She should be coming around soon enough.” The mechanoid said checking her saline drip.

“So who is she anyway?” Cat asked.

“Mirabel Hargrove from the United States mining ship Astriaos.” Holly said. “Exploration officer. Apparently she is also trained in ship repair and technology.”

“And she's completely human?” Rimmer asked. “No tentacles, no fangs, no alien DNA?”

“Nope.” Holly said. “Human through and through.”

“Damn.” Rimmer said. Everytime they came in contact with an alien, they ended up being the test subjects. Would have been nice if the roles were reversed for once.

“Well this you'll like.” Holly said. “Mirabel is not from this time. She is from the past. Just after Rimmer put the kabosh on Red Dwarf. A time hole seemed to have crossed her path.”

Everyone was surprised, but Lister was especially curious. If Mirabel was from the past thanks to a time hole, and if they could pin point the trajectory of that time hole, maybe, just maybe, they had a shot at getting back to earth. And even better, in their own time, not three million years in the future like they were now.

A groan interrupted Listers thought. Mirabel was starting to stir.

“Heartbeat and blood pressure's up.” Holly said. “She's coming to.”

Mirabel tried opening her eyes quickly, but was blinded by a bright light.

“Ah easy mum.” Kryten soothed. “Just take it slowly.”

Mirabel heard the voice and obeyed.

Soon things came in focus. She tried to move, but pain shot through every nerve in her body.

“Hold on there.” Anoter voice said. “You got yourself quite a bang up. Like Kryten said take it slow.”

“Kryten?” She uttered hoarsely. She moved her eyes and realized that she was indeed not alone. She realized a mechanoid was looking down at her. Ahead of her a screen showing the face of a blonde woman with red lipstick also watching her nonchalantly. A ship run super computer, like the one on the Astriaos.

What got her nerves up though was six pairs of eyes looking at her. Three men.

Oh shit.

She shot up out of the bed, and immediately regretted it.

“Mum, please.” The mechanoid said. “Please lie back down!”

“STAY AWAY!” She yelled. She tried getting out of the bed, but ended up falling off of it instead along with pulling the saline drip out of her arm. “DON'T COME NEAR ME!”

Thankfully she had been given a medical gown, but nothing else underneath. In her fear and pain she was able to grab a tray and medical instruments fell to the floor. Grabbing the scalpel, she curled into herself as much as she could she armed herself.

“Take it easy there.” Cat said. “We're not going to hurt you!”

“Who are you!?” She yelled. “What do you want!?”

“Now mum, really calm yourself.” The mechanoid said approaching her. “We'll explain.”

She pointed the scalpel at him to keep him from her. Mechanoids were meant to obey their human masters and who knew what these guys would command him to do.

“Alright this is pointless!” Rimmer said. “Listen you silly woman, you are not in any danger. Except to yourself if you don't get yourself back into that cot. Your ship crashed, we found, and rescued you. And we still haven't heard any gratitude!”

“Rimmer, you tactless smeghead, she just woke up from a week's coma!” Lister said. “Can you give her a few moments before you decide to find her intolerable.”

“You are British.” She said shakily.

Lister knelt down to her.

“That's right.” He said. “And you're American. All of us human. Well really, one human, me, one hologram, that bonehead with the H on his head, Arnold Rimmer, one human cat hybrid, Cat, we'll explain him later.”

Cat waved.

“A mechanoid, that's Kryten, and Holly, our ship's computer. We brought you here to our ship, The Red Dwarf.”

Rimmer sighed and he too knelt down.

“You really have nothing to fear.” He said. Normally he would have balked at the fear she was showing, but in reality, he actually, felt bad for her. Lister was right, what could she know after being unconscious for days.

Did he just think Lister was right?

Never mind.

“Red Dwarf?” Mirabel uttered. Why did that name ring a bell?

The hologram named Rimmer extended his hand.

“Please drop the scalpel and let's get you back in bed.” He asked.

Lister, Cat, and Kryten all looked at each in surprise. Ole Bonehead was being, polite, to someone else, what was his game?

Mirabel looked at the hologram and a thought occurred.

“But I won't be able to grasp your hand.” She said. “Holograms don't have physical presence.”

“I do.” He said. “I was given hard light. I'll explain why later. Just get up as best you can. We gotta look at your arm anyway, that tumble you took caused the drip in your arm to rip out, looks like you just added another patch of stitches to your already amassed injuries.”

She looked to her left arm and indeed slow rivers of blood were trickling down. She was tired, dizzy, and over all in immense pain.

Mirabel shakily took his hand and realized she could indeed touch it. Rimmer pulled her to her feet. But the sensation was too much for her weak state and before she could take a step, she once again collapsed into unconciousness. Rimmer caught her before she hit the cold floor.

“Oh dear!” Kryten proclaimed. “Bring her quickly Mr. Rimmer sir!”

Rimmer did as was told. After getting her hooked back up Holly was able to do an intensive scan.

“She's alright.” Holly said. “Just had a bit of a shock to the system. Should be 'round again in a few hours.”

“I feel it best if we do not rush in our introductions the next time.” Kryten said. “She was quite overcome.”

“Quite overcome with how handsome I am.” Cat said pulling his lapels. “No woman can resist that.”

“Oh shut up.” Rimmer said. “Let's go.”

“We scared her is all.” Lister said. “Face it, how would you feel if you woke up from a coma, feeling like you just had the worst bar room brawl of your life, and the first thing you see is female form of us.”

“You as a woman might get me nervous, but a female me!?” Cat said. “I'd be in love.”

“And I'd be sick.” Rimmer answered.

Lister decided to hit him with a come back.

“So uh, was her hand soft Rimmer?” Lister asked giving him a sly grin.

“What?”

“For once you weren't a total idiot around a woman.” Lister said as they entered their quarters. “Dare I say, there was compassion?”

“On the contrary.” Rimmer said. “She was acting like a maniac. What was I supposed to do, put her in a headlock and give a sleep blow to the neck?”

“She'd do it to you first anyway.” Lister said picking up a magazine and jumping onto his bed. “But you were smooth back there, I gotta say.”

“What are you driveling on about?”

“Getting her to calm down. Taking her hand. I think you like her.” Lister said. “I think you are on the pull.”

“Hey yeah.” Cat said sitting at the table. “In fact, out of the three of us, you have been hanging around the medical bay the most.”

“Just a bout of insomnia!” Rimmer said. “Besides, someone has to watch the scutters and make sure they don't do something stupid while in there or make sure one of you doesn't decide to get sneaky and take a peek!”

“You were the one who wanted them to learn how to work in the medical bay!” Lister said. “My eye is still recovering after they tried to check me temperature that one time. And you are just as sneaky as the both of us when you put your mind to it.”

“And Kryten and Holly have been watching her day and night.” Cat said pointing at him. “They sure don't need you, Goal Post Head.”

He then decided it was now time for one of his many daily naps and headed to his room

Rimmer could react to all this talk the best way he could.

“Oh smeg off the both of you!” He yelled. “Unlike the two of you there is no ulterior motive I have with this woman. Though I am sure the minute she is finally mobile you will waste no time in getting a chance with her.”

“Who says you won't as well?” Lister said chuckling.

“I won't alright! Now, just leave me alone.” Rimmer said angrily. He laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He then stared at his hand. That one that had held Mirabel's. Of course he would not tell Lister he thought it was soft, nor did he feel a jolt in his chest when he had to hold her to keep her from falling to the ground in a heap.

No. He couldn't do this to himself. As much as he wanted to relish in this feeling, he did not want hurt again like he had been when Lister gave him the memory of Lise Yates. Or when he had that brief liasion with Yvonne McGruder. And when he briefly fell in love with Nirvanah Crane when he was on the Holoship. In the end, it never stayed, something always got in the way. He wanted love, but it didn't want him, and he was tired of it.

No Arnold J. Rimmer would not let himself fall again. He had to maintain his pride. She was just a woman on his ship, nothing more than that.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Mirabel awoke again.

“Ah, good to see you up mum.”

Mirabel turned an saw the mechanoid.

“Kryten?” She uttered.

“You remember!” He said happily. “That is wonderful! It appears your head injury was not as bad as we feared.”

“I don't remember much.” She said. “Those three men. One of them said I was in an accident?”

Kryten nodded.

“Yes, you crashed your ship.” He said.

“Went through a time hole.” A voice said. “Collided with an asteroid field along the way then slid into a planetoid. If it was a baseball match you'd probably be safe.”

Mirabel remembered the face of Holly and she turned to the nearest monitor.

“You're Holly?” She said.

“Ah you're a bright one.” Holly said.

“We have a Holly on my ship too.” Mirabel said.

Then it hit her.

“Wait.” She said. “You said a time hole!?”

“That's right I did.”

“If I went through a time hole, then where did I end up?”

“Really mum.” Kryten said. “You should relax.”

The door opened and three familiar faces appeared.

“Up for company?”

Mirabel looked and saw the three faces she had seen yesterday. She was still wary, but she nodded.

“Vitals are up!” Kryten said. “She is on the road to recovery.”

“Great news!” A dark skinned man said. “How's the head eh? Still a bit foggy?”

Mirabel shrugged.

“A little.” She said. “You're Dave? Right?”

Lister smiled.

“Yep.”

She saw two other people with him. Two other men.

“Cat.” She said pointing to the being with the cheeky smile and flashy clothes.

“You got it!”

Then she looked to the man with the H on his head. The hologram.

“Arnold?” She said.

“Correct.” He said avoiding her gaze.

“Yeah, but we call him Rimmer or Smeghead!” Lister said. “You'll find out why soon enough.”

“Piss off.” Rimmer whispered.

Mirabel felt herself smile.

“One of you had mentioned Red Dwarf?” She asked. “That's a name I hadn't heard in awhile.”

“Well that's where you are!” Cat said.

Mirabel gave him a look.

“That can't be though.” She said. “I was told the crew of Red Dwarf perished a year ago. No one survived. Radiation leak. It was so bad that no other space crew across the globe was allowed to retrieve to the ship for fear of exposure. They just let it drift.”

“Well, yeah, uh.” Lister said rubbing his neck. “The thing is.”

“The time hole brought you three million years into the future.” Rimmer said.

Once again Rimmer the Tactless. They all turned to him ready to smack him.

“What's the use beating around the bush?” Rimmer said. “She's going to find out sooner or later!”

“Three million years?” Mirabel stuttered. “You're joking?”

The men said nothing.

“Aren't you?” She whispered. But the faces said it all.

Her vitals began going up again.

“Please mum.” Kryten said. “Take it easy now. Anymore stress could hinder your recovery.”  
  


“Oh my god.” She said leaning back down in the cot, her voice thick. “This can't be happening.”

“Hey now.” Lister said. “It's going to be alright.”

“Please.” She said turning her head. “I..I can't.”

Lister nodded and motioned to the guys that she needed some time alone.

Cat and Kryten followed his lead, but oddly enough Rimmer stayed.

He could see the woman was starting to sniffle and tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Oh come off it now!” He yelled. “No need to blubber!”

Maribel turned to him in shock.

“Excuse me?” She asked.

“Look.” He said. “Alright your three million years in the future, but really no need to feel sorry for yourself! It could have been a lot worse!”

She stared at him in confusion.

“How in the hell could this be a lot worse!?” She said.

Rimmer shrugged.

“Well you could be dead or worse?”

“What could be worse than death?” She asked.

“You could be a hologram having to live with a vain humanoid cat, a slovenly human, and a condom head mechanoid.”

Mirabel shook her head.

“You mean I could be you?” She asked.

Oh dear.

“In so many words.” He stuttered.

Mirabel didn't know whether to slug the guy or agree.

“Look, Arnold.” She said. “I appreciate the advice, but in all honesty, I need some time to wrap my head around all of this. Could you please just let me be alone for awhile?”

She turned away from him.

Rimmer feeling slighted got up and left the medical bay.

* * *

“Oh smooth move Rimmer.” Lister said. He and Cat had been watching through security television. “You really got her impressed now.”

Arnold tried to get away from them.

“All I said was she needed to stop acting like a baby!” He said. “She's not the only one who has been through tragedy!”  
  


“This guy is a regular Casanova.” Cat said sarcastically.

“Rimmer.” Lister said. “She just got the shock of her life. There is nothing wrong with her being upset, hell crying. She's a human being with feelings. And sorry to say that you being a hologram having to live with us is not high on the list of tragedies right now.”

“Oh really?” He argued. “And how do you think she would have reacted if she found out she was a hologram! She's quite lucky she is still alive.”

“God Rimmer.” Lister said. “It's not about being alive or a hologram or rather it's not about you. How do you think Mirabel is going to feel if we can't get to that time hole? She's going to go through the same emotions we did, maybe worse. She'll have to wrestle with the fact that her family is dead, her friends dead, her shipmates on the Astrias dead!”

Rimmer pursed his lips. Oh no he was not going to feel sorry for her. He was taught life was a battlefield and if you didn't rise to the ranks of General, you weren't worth the ground you walked on.

“It's a sad world Lister.” Rimmer said. “She better get used to it.”

Rimmer walked away from them. Lister rolled his eyes in frustration.

* * *

A few days later Mirabel was up and moving around a bit. She was still forlorn, but it was hard to stay sad when the Cat and Lister were around playing games with her and telling jokes (bad ones, but still). Kryten monitored her condition carefully and prepared amazing food for her when could eat again. The scutters too were like mechanical pets that knew how to do chores and Holly fulfilled female companionship, even if she was a computer.

She was starting to feel like she could trust them. Especially when Holly said they would work to find the time hole she had come in through. Not only could it bring Mirabel back home, but also Lister, but instead of three million years in the future, it would only be a year later after the demise of the crew of Red Dwarf.

With Rimmer though, well, Mirabel was still a bit sore about that, so much sore that she started to ignore him when he did come to the room or pretend she was asleep. How dare he treat her like she had no right to feel sad about her situation? Like she was inconveniencing him.

“Hey don't be so hard on Rimmer now.” Lister said as they played poker with her one evening in the medical bay. “He's a total smeghead. He just doesn't understand women is all.”

Mirabel took a card.

“It's not about understanding women.” She said. “It was just mean.”

“Trust me, mean is his middle name.” Lister said reviewing his cards.

“I thought it was Judas?” Cat asked.

Mirabel looked at him.

“Your kidding?” She asked.

Lister laughed.

“Nope.” He said. “Cat's right. Rimmer's middle name is Judas.”

Mirabel's eyes widened in disbelief.

“Who in the hell gives their kid “Judas” as a middle name?” She asked.

“Trust me.” Lister said. “If ever want to know about how Rimmer became the bonehead that he is, ask him about his folks, then you will understand.”

* * *

The next morning as Mirabel was waking up, she heard the door to the room open. She thought it was Kryten come to check on her, but it was only Rimmer.

“Ah I see you are awake.” He said. “Or are you going to continue pretending I don't exist like a child would.”

Strike 1

“Why Arnold.” She said sarcastically. “If I had known you were coming I would have baked a cake.”

Rimmer rolled his eyes.

“Stop being silly.” He said. “It's unbecoming.”

Strike 2

“Unbecoming?” She asked. “I'm sorry was there a certain protocol when you graced my presence? I apologize my saluting wrist is still healing.”

Rimmer growled.

“Well excuse me if I just came to say hello!” He said. “I didn't realize that instead of a woman I was to be greeted by a smart mouthed brat!”

Strike 3, he's out.

Mirabel shot up angrily.

“SMART MOUTHED BRAT!?” She yelled. “Well that's the pot calling the kettle isn't it? And yes maybe ignoring you is childish, but it's better than having a conversation with someone with the humility of a pig!”

“A PIG!?” He argued.

“YES A PIG!” She shot back. “Do you not have any sense of decency or compassion? Everyone else on this ship has been very good to me, but you on the other hand think I am nothing more than a wimpy kid, so excuse me if I don't exactly look forward to your visits at the moment!”

Rimmer shook in anger, but part of him was also attacking his ego. It was occurring to him that maybe he should have been a little less, well, honest?

“I was just being honest!” He yelled. “I apologize that I do not coddle!”

“It's not about coddling Rimmer!” She yelled. “It's just, becoming a friend. But obviously you don't know what that means!”

Arnold tried to find a retort, but when he saw the hurt on her face, his mind and mouth just couldn't work together like usual.

“I know what it means.” He could only come up with that.

“Bull.” Mirabel said.

Then the painkillers wore off.

“AH DAMN!” She yelled and gripped her ribs.

“What is it!?” Rimmer yelled. “What's wrong!?”

She closed her eyes tightly.

“The medicine drip wore off.” She said. “OH GOD IT HURTS!”

Rimmer ran to her side, but in all honesty had no clue what to do.

'WHAT!” He screamed. “WHAT HURTS! HOLLY!?'

Holly appeared on the screen.

“She's in pain!” He yelled to her. “Do something!”

“I can't.” Holly said. “She's on a manual drip! She needs someone to start it up for her!”

“Well get Kryten then!” He yelled.

“JUST DO IT RIMMER!” Mirabel yelled in tears.

“WHAT!?” He yelled in a panic. “DO WHAT!?”

Mirabel took a breath to calm herself.

“Just.” She said. “Just get me some aspirin.”

The way Rimmer had panicked, she did not want him touching any of the medical devices hooked up to her.

He looked around the room.

“In the case.” Mirabel said pointing. “There.”

He all but ran to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of aspirin.

“Water.” He whispered. “Water.”

He grabbed the cup on the stand by her cot and filled it with water from the jug. Handing her the pills she swallowed them quickly.

“Better?” He asked nervously.

She shook her head.

“It's going to be awhile before it kicks in.” She said. “I can't rely on the drip all the time. Kryten wants me to start weaning off of it.”

“Great time for you to start now.” Rimmer said taking a seat next to her cot. “Stupid mechanoid, obviously you are not healed enough.”

Mirabel tried relaxing her breathing.

“No time like the present.” She uttered trying to lie back down. “Pain is a part of life. You believe that right?”

It would have seemed like a snarky remark, but when Rimmer looked at her, he could not see contempt in her eyes. She was actually questioning him.

“Well yes.” He said. “Yes it is.”

Mirabel nodded.

Rimmer swallowed and put his hand awkwardly on her shoulder. He was so nervous, he was stiff as a a board, sitting on the stool like a statue.

She looked at his hand and then him, but didn't move it off.

“I still can't believe you can touch.” She said shakily. “How did you come about it? Becoming a hard light hologram I mean?”

Rimmer sighed.

“It's a long story.” He said.

“Tell me.” Mirabel said. “It may get my mind off the pain?”

And Rimmer sat there, telling Mirabel all about the time he and the other smegheads had met Legion and how Legion replaced the wiring of the soft light and inserted a device that gave him the power of physical senses. He may have embellished a bit saying it was him who took care of the odd being, but somehow Mirabel knew better.

And he would stay there until Kryten finally came in to check her. Holly had shown Lister what was happening and he ran to Kryten before he could go and interrupt the moment.


End file.
